Sunday, July 12, 2009

an inviting and illusory prospect

don’t you want to fall?
it's in our nature to become vulnerable. unfortunately, it's also in our nature to want to become vulnerable.

don’t you want to fly?
the goosebumps. the feeling that nothing else in the world matters if you're holding each other's hand. having some part of my body always touching some part of your body. these things warrant vulnerability.

don’t you want to be dangled over the edge of this aching romance?
sometimes we get scared. scared of ignorance. scared of giving yourself up and then watching helplessly from the sidelines. we fear crossing the boundaries. if your heart longs even for a second..... don't. let. it. fade.

if it’s gonna end, then I wanna know that we squeezed out every moment
but another moment would mean so much. we lack faith. can't you just believe in me and can't i just believe in you? i want to believe that you want what i want. people are subjective. keep squeezing.

but if there’s nothing left can you tell me why that it is you’re holding onto me like it’s the end of the world?
i want to fall. i want to fly. i want to dare to go over the edge. i want to squeeze every moment, because i know now that moments are evanescent.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

new beginnings.

well i have to apologize to you all for not posting as frequently as i hoped. with all the online outlets these days (facebook, twitter, myspace, etc...) i find myself updating those more often than my blog. i suppose it's because, with the blog, i'm given the freedom to write whatever i want without the restraints of only being able to write a certain amount of characters... and that freedom is a little overwhelming for me!

but, really... what is a life bound by restraints?
something that i have been thinking about lately... and it's a life i don't really want to live.

this past month or so (maybe even longer) i've been feeling tied down. it's a terrible feeling for someone who longs to put himself in the wild and have at it with the world.. and so, i'm trying my best not to limit myself. these past few days have been amazing. i've experienced many wonderful things- i've strengthened bonds with friends, family, loved ones- and well, things are seemingly beginning to unfold.

i am now out of secondary school and off to pursue my passion. it's a fantastic feeling to close a chapter of your life and start one that you've been waiting to open for the longest time. you know that time when you were a kid, and you knew you wouldn't be able to grab a cookie from the cookie jar until you finished your vegetables, and ate all of your dinner, and even when you did that, you were told you had to wait for everyone else to finish their dinner as well... well it feels a little something like that. of course, it comes along with a bit of fear and a bit of heartache.. you get to thinking about leaving the past behind (or the fact that you can call it the "past" at all)... but all in all i think it is bound to be more of a positive experience.

also, (and warning: this may be gross to read but it leads to a point... i think...) on monday i got violently ill and could not stop vomiting. now i know the average person would just think of it as a bug... which it was... but whatever. i LITERALLY vomited everything in my system up, and even though it wasn't the best way to detox, i feel like a brand new person. it's weird how something like that can inspire you to embrace change, but i honestly feel like i've cleansed myself of the past and am ready to start over... or at least improve myself- as a person, as a performer, a friend, a brother, a son, a lover... even an enemy. (because i'm good at being one of those too and i think it is important to have and be an enemy to keep yourself grounded. hahahaha.)

by the way... happy canada day.
my sister, her puppy, and my mother are here now and i can't concentrate on what to write and i'm too damn lazy to proof-read and edit this shit so this is going to be my less-than-classy way of wrapping up this blog. later folks.